How many of you have had a broken heart?
As an astrologer, there is not a day that goes by that I don't deal with a broken heart. I have a whole arsenal of sometimes meaningful statements, but the issue of what works best presents itself. Is it better to indulge the person in their upset(especially) if you see the person is coming back or it is really is not a break up? Or am I better going with the philosophical approach which often can be hard to grasp. And there is always the replacement theory.
I function at a breakup as a pure astrologer, just saying what I see. One rarely sees a clear, clean breakup. By the way Mercury RX breakups do not hold unless you met on a Mercury RX. In this case, I tell the client with a mercury Rx breakup when the other party will call etc. The first time it happens, they don't believe me. They hope. The second time it might happen to the same person, they believe.
At times, if the relationship is simply tense and not broken, I try to open the party to understand the other, and lose judgment. It is judgments and expectations that kill our happiness you know.
Boys are different than girls from day 1. Where does that come from? I am sure part of it are those pesty little chromosomes x and y. Yet the difference is enforced from day 1.
Think, did you recently see a little girl fall and hurt herself? What did the mother or father do? My guess: is poor baby, let me kiss it and make it better...
Think again, when did you last see a little buy fall? What did the mother or father do? My guess some variation on the theme of... Come on champ, it didn't hurt that bad, you will be okay, as they dust off the child and set him back on his feet.
Do you see the difference? what do you think those differences are? what do you think the implications of those differences are?
The little girl is told ..it is okay to feel and cry. And someone will come to your rescue. I am sure that evolves to the Knight in White Shining Armor scenario.
The little Boy is being told, do not feel your feelings, you are stronger than that. So he is given a very early primitive message of do not feel.
The little girl is living in fantasy land as a woman with false expectations of being indulged, loved and/or saved and is so disappointed by the man who won't share his feelings. The man is doing what he thinks is right.
How many of you recognize this scenario? A woman trying to literally ply a man open...rather than accepting him and vica versa. He thinks: she is so emotional, she must be at that time of month, I think I will vanish, Such drama! She thinks: he doesn;'t care. He is not sharing all those emotional, gooey feelings I feel. And he vanished. He deserted me (more like wanted to protect himself).He probably does not even know about gooey feelings exist, he is so defended.
I would say 80% if not more breakups occur because of lack of understanding about the other party. The classic response: that behavior is unacceptable to me.
This was a woman client after 8 months broke up with a guy because he would not say I love you. Had she understood that it really was honoring who he was by not expressing those feelings,yet he told her he could see a life with her..... plus when he said those magical words, he would ultimately really mean it...
This brings me to another point. There are certain realities that if everyone understood, there could be less suffering..
Of course we have the Anna Karenina or Heathcliff type- (usually strong water sign presence but not always)as I call it where the person is into the Romantic Novel drama, of she will throw herself on the train track, to show her love, then he will know.
Are you Anna Karenina-thriving on the drama?) Most Anna Karenina-male or female- types will say they hurt, they feel pain, they do not want this, but this is what they choose time and time again. This is how they see love and this is the image they feed on a Gothic level. It takes sometimes people years to understand they choose this and thus they can unchoose it.
For instance, did you know you really do not know someone for a full solar year? Why do you think the first anniversary is so important? Everything before that point is infatuation and not reality based. If you are lucky maybe your infatuation becomes a reality, but that is unlikely. How many times have you heard: she was not like that at first,. She would etc etc. Remember that first year is show and tell. Period. Even if this is unconscious, we do put our best foot forward when we get to know someone.
Astrologically this psychological fact works.
Think about it. You meet someone March 1. ..but you do not know that person's best friend commit suicide on Thanksgiving 21 years before, your favorite Holiday. This person doesn't discuss this event with you, for many reasons, or perhaps they do not think about IT anymore. Yet come November 1, this person becomes dark, stormy, pushing you away and that continues all month, getting worse and worse until Turkey Day...and it doesn't clear until Dec, 1. How many of you have had similar scenarios the first year?
It might take quite a few cycles to discover this has nothing to do with you, but them. Often there are more than one date that is painful in some one's history. Thus, you have to go through A complete cycle with someone.
Loving is accepting the fact that a person can and will get dark in November. if the relationship continues despite it all then after a few years, the other person might say: are you aware every November you become dark, withholding etc, or is it me and my perspective? (did you know your brother stole your stuffed donkey on thanksgiving never to give it back when you were one, leaving a sense of being threatened at Thanksgiving?). Time and caring identify these issues and help the person grow past them. This is true transformation in the face of loving acceptance. That is what love can do, it can heal. Just like that.
Is this not what love is about? what is love about for you? Are you understanding of your mate? how do you handle your needs? what are your implicit demands? please share...with birth data.