Saturn often gets a bad rap, and more often than not lately, I feel I am the sole defender of the planet of responsibility and maturity.
I have two clients- one is quite knowledgeable in astrology but always is blaming everything on Saturn. So much so she has changed her rising degree. She is sure Saturn is in a certain house. and to get it there, she must change her birthtime! ( Can I tell you how many times she has changes her birthtime on me?) The other person who claims knowledge of astrology, blames events early this year on a Saturn Return. Truth be told Saturn was nowhere in the vicinity- it was off on another crusade.Her problems were caused by the Venus Retro. ( See why it always is good to see a professional rather than do your own chart?)
Saturn is the teacher planet, and it is also represents maturity. It does not come out with a whip and chain, dressed in plutonian S and M gear. It simply points to gaps in our lives which we need to shore up. IT defines cycles.
Guess what? Saturn can be an excellent transit.
Saturn also can reap rewards on those who have worked hard and have lived their lives in sync with who they are.
One associate on her first Saturn return won an Oscar. Saturn was saying: go for it. you are on the right path. A school friend of mine got an enormous promotion and pay raise when Saturn pulled into his tenth house. He had to work his tail off, but it was clear, he was the right person for the job. Many years later, he commands even more power and money for the same excellence. His best promotions come with Saturn.
Great long term love affairs and marriages generally have a Saturn conjunction or opposition between the two. Saturn is the cement here, testing the person who has a planet involved with the others' Saturn. Their values or whatever characteristics referred to by the planet and sign get tested and evaluated by both parties. Saturn can bring wonderful experiences to those on the path to their twilight years (50 and above). Saturn represents maturity.
On Oct, 29, Saturn will leave Virgo to enter Libra.
It will also have another visitation of Virgo late Spring and Summer 2010. Often when a powerful planet leaves a sign, it gives a royal kick to those who have not yet received its message when it was in the sign it was leaving. I would not be surprised that someone gets a strong hit this week, but most likely it will be the 2010 trip into Virgo which will remind someone they still do not "get it". At that point , it will have nothing to do with the degree, but whether a planet at any point in the transit of Saturn in Virgo was touched. Be honest with yourself? Did you hear and act on Saturn in Virgo's message?
I am sure much is being written about Saturn in Libra. Remember you need to have planets involved to really feel this transit.
It is important to understand you cannot interpret this transit, nor can you accept generalizations. Find an astrologer, who can evaluate the importance of Saturn in your life, where it most effects you and why. This same astrologer will also correlate this new Saturn transit and what it will mean to YOU! and only you.
It could mean nothing. it is only a planet , and one of responsibility. Stay in touch with your energies and act responsibility...you just might love what it brings. Promise.
Broken Heart Alley
How many of you have had a broken heart?
As an astrologer, there is not a day that goes by that I don't deal with a broken heart. I have a whole arsenal of sometimes meaningful statements, but the issue of what works best presents itself. Is it better to indulge the person in their upset(especially) if you see the person is coming back or it is really is not a break up? Or am I better going with the philosophical approach which often can be hard to grasp. And there is always the replacement theory.
I function at a breakup as a pure astrologer, just saying what I see. One rarely sees a clear, clean breakup. By the way Mercury RX breakups do not hold unless you met on a Mercury RX. In this case, I tell the client with a mercury Rx breakup when the other party will call etc. The first time it happens, they don't believe me. They hope. The second time it might happen to the same person, they believe.
At times, if the relationship is simply tense and not broken, I try to open the party to understand the other, and lose judgment. It is judgments and expectations that kill our happiness you know.
Boys are different than girls from day 1. Where does that come from? I am sure part of it are those pesty little chromosomes x and y. Yet the difference is enforced from day 1.
Think, did you recently see a little girl fall and hurt herself? What did the mother or father do? My guess: is poor baby, let me kiss it and make it better...
Think again, when did you last see a little buy fall? What did the mother or father do? My guess some variation on the theme of... Come on champ, it didn't hurt that bad, you will be okay, as they dust off the child and set him back on his feet.
Do you see the difference? what do you think those differences are? what do you think the implications of those differences are?
The little girl is told ..it is okay to feel and cry. And someone will come to your rescue. I am sure that evolves to the Knight in White Shining Armor scenario.
The little Boy is being told, do not feel your feelings, you are stronger than that. So he is given a very early primitive message of do not feel.
The little girl is living in fantasy land as a woman with false expectations of being indulged, loved and/or saved and is so disappointed by the man who won't share his feelings. The man is doing what he thinks is right.
How many of you recognize this scenario? A woman trying to literally ply a man open...rather than accepting him and vica versa. He thinks: she is so emotional, she must be at that time of month, I think I will vanish, Such drama! She thinks: he doesn;'t care. He is not sharing all those emotional, gooey feelings I feel. And he vanished. He deserted me (more like wanted to protect himself).He probably does not even know about gooey feelings exist, he is so defended.
I would say 80% if not more breakups occur because of lack of understanding about the other party. The classic response: that behavior is unacceptable to me.
This was a woman client after 8 months broke up with a guy because he would not say I love you. Had she understood that it really was honoring who he was by not expressing those feelings,yet he told her he could see a life with her..... plus when he said those magical words, he would ultimately really mean it...
This brings me to another point. There are certain realities that if everyone understood, there could be less suffering..
Of course we have the Anna Karenina or Heathcliff type- (usually strong water sign presence but not always)as I call it where the person is into the Romantic Novel drama, of she will throw herself on the train track, to show her love, then he will know.
Are you Anna Karenina-thriving on the drama?) Most Anna Karenina-male or female- types will say they hurt, they feel pain, they do not want this, but this is what they choose time and time again. This is how they see love and this is the image they feed on a Gothic level. It takes sometimes people years to understand they choose this and thus they can unchoose it.
For instance, did you know you really do not know someone for a full solar year? Why do you think the first anniversary is so important? Everything before that point is infatuation and not reality based. If you are lucky maybe your infatuation becomes a reality, but that is unlikely. How many times have you heard: she was not like that at first,. She would etc etc. Remember that first year is show and tell. Period. Even if this is unconscious, we do put our best foot forward when we get to know someone.
Astrologically this psychological fact works.
Think about it. You meet someone March 1. ..but you do not know that person's best friend commit suicide on Thanksgiving 21 years before, your favorite Holiday. This person doesn't discuss this event with you, for many reasons, or perhaps they do not think about IT anymore. Yet come November 1, this person becomes dark, stormy, pushing you away and that continues all month, getting worse and worse until Turkey Day...and it doesn't clear until Dec, 1. How many of you have had similar scenarios the first year?
It might take quite a few cycles to discover this has nothing to do with you, but them. Often there are more than one date that is painful in some one's history. Thus, you have to go through A complete cycle with someone.
Loving is accepting the fact that a person can and will get dark in November. if the relationship continues despite it all then after a few years, the other person might say: are you aware every November you become dark, withholding etc, or is it me and my perspective? (did you know your brother stole your stuffed donkey on thanksgiving never to give it back when you were one, leaving a sense of being threatened at Thanksgiving?). Time and caring identify these issues and help the person grow past them. This is true transformation in the face of loving acceptance. That is what love can do, it can heal. Just like that.
Is this not what love is about? what is love about for you? Are you understanding of your mate? how do you handle your needs? what are your implicit demands? please share...with birth data.
As an astrologer, there is not a day that goes by that I don't deal with a broken heart. I have a whole arsenal of sometimes meaningful statements, but the issue of what works best presents itself. Is it better to indulge the person in their upset(especially) if you see the person is coming back or it is really is not a break up? Or am I better going with the philosophical approach which often can be hard to grasp. And there is always the replacement theory.
I function at a breakup as a pure astrologer, just saying what I see. One rarely sees a clear, clean breakup. By the way Mercury RX breakups do not hold unless you met on a Mercury RX. In this case, I tell the client with a mercury Rx breakup when the other party will call etc. The first time it happens, they don't believe me. They hope. The second time it might happen to the same person, they believe.
At times, if the relationship is simply tense and not broken, I try to open the party to understand the other, and lose judgment. It is judgments and expectations that kill our happiness you know.
Boys are different than girls from day 1. Where does that come from? I am sure part of it are those pesty little chromosomes x and y. Yet the difference is enforced from day 1.
Think, did you recently see a little girl fall and hurt herself? What did the mother or father do? My guess: is poor baby, let me kiss it and make it better...
Think again, when did you last see a little buy fall? What did the mother or father do? My guess some variation on the theme of... Come on champ, it didn't hurt that bad, you will be okay, as they dust off the child and set him back on his feet.
Do you see the difference? what do you think those differences are? what do you think the implications of those differences are?
The little girl is told ..it is okay to feel and cry. And someone will come to your rescue. I am sure that evolves to the Knight in White Shining Armor scenario.
The little Boy is being told, do not feel your feelings, you are stronger than that. So he is given a very early primitive message of do not feel.
The little girl is living in fantasy land as a woman with false expectations of being indulged, loved and/or saved and is so disappointed by the man who won't share his feelings. The man is doing what he thinks is right.
How many of you recognize this scenario? A woman trying to literally ply a man open...rather than accepting him and vica versa. He thinks: she is so emotional, she must be at that time of month, I think I will vanish, Such drama! She thinks: he doesn;'t care. He is not sharing all those emotional, gooey feelings I feel. And he vanished. He deserted me (more like wanted to protect himself).He probably does not even know about gooey feelings exist, he is so defended.
I would say 80% if not more breakups occur because of lack of understanding about the other party. The classic response: that behavior is unacceptable to me.
This was a woman client after 8 months broke up with a guy because he would not say I love you. Had she understood that it really was honoring who he was by not expressing those feelings,yet he told her he could see a life with her..... plus when he said those magical words, he would ultimately really mean it...
This brings me to another point. There are certain realities that if everyone understood, there could be less suffering..
Of course we have the Anna Karenina or Heathcliff type- (usually strong water sign presence but not always)as I call it where the person is into the Romantic Novel drama, of she will throw herself on the train track, to show her love, then he will know.
Are you Anna Karenina-thriving on the drama?) Most Anna Karenina-male or female- types will say they hurt, they feel pain, they do not want this, but this is what they choose time and time again. This is how they see love and this is the image they feed on a Gothic level. It takes sometimes people years to understand they choose this and thus they can unchoose it.
For instance, did you know you really do not know someone for a full solar year? Why do you think the first anniversary is so important? Everything before that point is infatuation and not reality based. If you are lucky maybe your infatuation becomes a reality, but that is unlikely. How many times have you heard: she was not like that at first,. She would etc etc. Remember that first year is show and tell. Period. Even if this is unconscious, we do put our best foot forward when we get to know someone.
Astrologically this psychological fact works.
Think about it. You meet someone March 1. ..but you do not know that person's best friend commit suicide on Thanksgiving 21 years before, your favorite Holiday. This person doesn't discuss this event with you, for many reasons, or perhaps they do not think about IT anymore. Yet come November 1, this person becomes dark, stormy, pushing you away and that continues all month, getting worse and worse until Turkey Day...and it doesn't clear until Dec, 1. How many of you have had similar scenarios the first year?
It might take quite a few cycles to discover this has nothing to do with you, but them. Often there are more than one date that is painful in some one's history. Thus, you have to go through A complete cycle with someone.
Loving is accepting the fact that a person can and will get dark in November. if the relationship continues despite it all then after a few years, the other person might say: are you aware every November you become dark, withholding etc, or is it me and my perspective? (did you know your brother stole your stuffed donkey on thanksgiving never to give it back when you were one, leaving a sense of being threatened at Thanksgiving?). Time and caring identify these issues and help the person grow past them. This is true transformation in the face of loving acceptance. That is what love can do, it can heal. Just like that.
Is this not what love is about? what is love about for you? Are you understanding of your mate? how do you handle your needs? what are your implicit demands? please share...with birth data.
Dear Blog
Dear Blog,
I have been edgy about you, especially about not attending to you. It is not that I do not love writing and sharing with all the people who read you, it is I am so overwhelmed.
Apparently we triggered a change in my practice Not only when we did the relationships series but also when I said in the last blog: I think what stops clear, open, caring communications are 1)judgment, 2)fear and/or 3)guilt. That thought brought the kind of client I love to work with. Ones that want to use their chart to illuminate their life issues from the past in order to live their present life more fully. That is the message of the doors on my website...www.jacquelineBigar.com. Have you seen it? We walk through the present door and use the past (door number 1) to illuminate the future (door number 3). Do you see the stars in three and the path?
I have been overwhelmed by the work as well as delighted. I am loving working with these sensitive caring people, who are so responsive. One said this morning:
Jacquie, I'd like to write about something else. I have been using my responses to you like journaling- meaning I have been interested in culling my current truths and exposing them to myself and you.So from the beginning I have tried to expose myself- so some of the things I write have not been comfortable to admit- but I figured why do this if I wasn't going to be as honest as I could be. I am glad of this as you have cut through more of my concerns in less time than if I'd spent a month or more seeing a therapist.
To write my blog, I have to feel that I must write and about a certain topic. I have had this compulsion often in the last month, fatigue getting the best of me. I apologize to all of you. I can say with certainty how I feel about astrology: Astrology for me is not a game where I make up rising signs or tell people what they want to hear. It is about using astrology effectively to empower the person to achieve their goals in this lifetime. Sure the process is not easy. But you will have nothing if you do not risk and illuminate issues to their fullest. Only then you can go forward
I miss you all, and hopefully I can be more fluent as I too went through a profound transformation in lifestyle, thought and clients this last month.
Jacqueline
I have been edgy about you, especially about not attending to you. It is not that I do not love writing and sharing with all the people who read you, it is I am so overwhelmed.
Apparently we triggered a change in my practice Not only when we did the relationships series but also when I said in the last blog: I think what stops clear, open, caring communications are 1)judgment, 2)fear and/or 3)guilt. That thought brought the kind of client I love to work with. Ones that want to use their chart to illuminate their life issues from the past in order to live their present life more fully. That is the message of the doors on my website...www.jacquelineBigar.com. Have you seen it? We walk through the present door and use the past (door number 1) to illuminate the future (door number 3). Do you see the stars in three and the path?
I have been overwhelmed by the work as well as delighted. I am loving working with these sensitive caring people, who are so responsive. One said this morning:
Jacquie, I'd like to write about something else. I have been using my responses to you like journaling- meaning I have been interested in culling my current truths and exposing them to myself and you.So from the beginning I have tried to expose myself- so some of the things I write have not been comfortable to admit- but I figured why do this if I wasn't going to be as honest as I could be. I am glad of this as you have cut through more of my concerns in less time than if I'd spent a month or more seeing a therapist.
To write my blog, I have to feel that I must write and about a certain topic. I have had this compulsion often in the last month, fatigue getting the best of me. I apologize to all of you. I can say with certainty how I feel about astrology: Astrology for me is not a game where I make up rising signs or tell people what they want to hear. It is about using astrology effectively to empower the person to achieve their goals in this lifetime. Sure the process is not easy. But you will have nothing if you do not risk and illuminate issues to their fullest. Only then you can go forward
I miss you all, and hopefully I can be more fluent as I too went through a profound transformation in lifestyle, thought and clients this last month.
Jacqueline
Part 8: relationship series: communications
I have waited awhile before addressing Mercury , the ruler of communications and its impact on relationships, all relationships in fact. I wanted to do some processing.
The Sun moves into the sign Virgo on August 22 a sign ruled by Mercury and in three weeks we go into a Mercury Retrograde. I can think of no more appropriate time to address this matter, especially as Mercury has a few days ago touched the degree it will retro to. I would suggest for me, I will be deeply evaluating some of the ideas I am putting forward, a couple here now, some later.
Clearly as an astrologer , I would say one person's Mercury must be in harmony with their partner's mercury. In love relationships, marriages, we always hear of the importance of communications.....
So: if you have a fire sign Mercury, your choice for excellent communications would be a fire or air sign. The same for an air sign Mercury...you would opt for an air or fire sign. Earth mMrcury would need an earth or water Mercury. Same for a water Mercury, it would need an earth or water Mercury.
Go check a friend's chart that you can brainstorm with or share openly ..where is their Mercury, where is yours? See if you have a pattern there. look at other friends' charts.
In the one realm I feel one can slide a bit with odd communications is in love relationships, Two lovers have so many other means of expressing themselves besides words, that look, or shrug. A touch or a hug. Most of us cannot behave like that with most people in our world. We have only words.
I think what stops clear, open, caring communications are 1)judgment, 2)fear and/or 3)guilt. You can shuffle these three anyway you want and cut them anyway you want. Somehow they are tied in, perhaps not altogether but at least one when you do not share, when you do not address the total situation. Think of all those times.
Ask yourself is there a judgment on your part here? fear? or guilt? You will see what I mean.
What has become clear to me is our ability to relate is directly reflective of our ability to relate to ourselves, how well we know ourselves. Also another important issue is whether we have made peace with ourselves and accepted ourselves. If one has done that, relating to another person becomes much easier.
I am going to end here but I probably will continue on a second blog on this. Let me know how you feel and think.
The Sun moves into the sign Virgo on August 22 a sign ruled by Mercury and in three weeks we go into a Mercury Retrograde. I can think of no more appropriate time to address this matter, especially as Mercury has a few days ago touched the degree it will retro to. I would suggest for me, I will be deeply evaluating some of the ideas I am putting forward, a couple here now, some later.
Clearly as an astrologer , I would say one person's Mercury must be in harmony with their partner's mercury. In love relationships, marriages, we always hear of the importance of communications.....
So: if you have a fire sign Mercury, your choice for excellent communications would be a fire or air sign. The same for an air sign Mercury...you would opt for an air or fire sign. Earth mMrcury would need an earth or water Mercury. Same for a water Mercury, it would need an earth or water Mercury.
Go check a friend's chart that you can brainstorm with or share openly ..where is their Mercury, where is yours? See if you have a pattern there. look at other friends' charts.
In the one realm I feel one can slide a bit with odd communications is in love relationships, Two lovers have so many other means of expressing themselves besides words, that look, or shrug. A touch or a hug. Most of us cannot behave like that with most people in our world. We have only words.
I think what stops clear, open, caring communications are 1)judgment, 2)fear and/or 3)guilt. You can shuffle these three anyway you want and cut them anyway you want. Somehow they are tied in, perhaps not altogether but at least one when you do not share, when you do not address the total situation. Think of all those times.
Ask yourself is there a judgment on your part here? fear? or guilt? You will see what I mean.
What has become clear to me is our ability to relate is directly reflective of our ability to relate to ourselves, how well we know ourselves. Also another important issue is whether we have made peace with ourselves and accepted ourselves. If one has done that, relating to another person becomes much easier.
I am going to end here but I probably will continue on a second blog on this. Let me know how you feel and think.
Fun for astrology students
Many of you who are just learning astrology and get stunned/overwhelmed by aspects, houses, or how to put the chart together could enjoy this simple way of looking at a chart. It is one of the many different exercises I do on a chart, before I read a person.It is one of the first processes I teach once the planets and the signs are known and understood,
List every planet ordering them by their degrees. Thus 2 degrees will be listed before 5 degrees , 7 degrees after 5, etc. You will write down the signs and the planets as well but it will be the degree that defines their place in this particular stellar line up. Not sign or planet,
Do this with your planets. The planets, the sequence they follow explain how you face an issue, your original response. how you process to how "things" end.
I am now listing someone's planets in order of the degree:
Zero degree Mars retro in Libra
3 degree Uranus retro in Sag.
3 degree Jupiter retro in Scorpio
4 degree Venus in Aries
8 degree Mercury in Gemini
16 degree Saturn retro in Libra
17 degree Sun in Taurus
23 degree Moon in Scorpio
24 degree Pluto retro in Libra
26 degree Neptune retro in Sag
BY the way, I see some very interesting factors , that have nothing to do with the exercise I am about to do. Does anyone see some unusual features?
In general, when Mars is the first planet, the person jumps on the issue or situation nearly immediately. There is an issue here as it is a zero degree Mars and retro at that. Low degrees, especially zero in cardinal signs can cause am inept fluttering without a true commitment, Also this Mars is Retro encouraging a holding back. If I was doing this chart professionally, I would see what year of this person's like Mars went direct, as there would be a change in initial approach.
I would believe with Uranus as the next planet in the lineup, nevertheless unexpected events toss her into situations, like it or not. Then with Jupiter pushing behind this, there is this feeling of being on the right path. venus next confirms, feeling good about the choice,
Communications excel about a project, situation or person as a result of the Jupiter /Venus impact. Unfortunately there is some sobering news or the person whose planets we are eying might find out she bit off too much for her to chew. Thank you saturn. Possibility the responsibility or commitment is awesome.
The sun illuminates these feelings giving the native the strength and enthusiasm to continue. Still emotions, the moon could flux back and forth. In fact the native might feel insecure about their choice, action or commitment.
There is a need felt to process or look at the situation differently. Pluto causes this and could cause an abrupt ending too. Neptune as the last planet implies a certain confusion about what happened and why. It can also imply a very idealistic interpretation....not necessarily valid.
For this person whatever she takes on, does not flow with ease, and can be hard in ending. To internalize or process what could be gained might be close to impossible with Neptune as the last planet.
I bet some of you could do another interpretation...try it!
List every planet ordering them by their degrees. Thus 2 degrees will be listed before 5 degrees , 7 degrees after 5, etc. You will write down the signs and the planets as well but it will be the degree that defines their place in this particular stellar line up. Not sign or planet,
Do this with your planets. The planets, the sequence they follow explain how you face an issue, your original response. how you process to how "things" end.
I am now listing someone's planets in order of the degree:
Zero degree Mars retro in Libra
3 degree Uranus retro in Sag.
3 degree Jupiter retro in Scorpio
4 degree Venus in Aries
8 degree Mercury in Gemini
16 degree Saturn retro in Libra
17 degree Sun in Taurus
23 degree Moon in Scorpio
24 degree Pluto retro in Libra
26 degree Neptune retro in Sag
BY the way, I see some very interesting factors , that have nothing to do with the exercise I am about to do. Does anyone see some unusual features?
In general, when Mars is the first planet, the person jumps on the issue or situation nearly immediately. There is an issue here as it is a zero degree Mars and retro at that. Low degrees, especially zero in cardinal signs can cause am inept fluttering without a true commitment, Also this Mars is Retro encouraging a holding back. If I was doing this chart professionally, I would see what year of this person's like Mars went direct, as there would be a change in initial approach.
I would believe with Uranus as the next planet in the lineup, nevertheless unexpected events toss her into situations, like it or not. Then with Jupiter pushing behind this, there is this feeling of being on the right path. venus next confirms, feeling good about the choice,
Communications excel about a project, situation or person as a result of the Jupiter /Venus impact. Unfortunately there is some sobering news or the person whose planets we are eying might find out she bit off too much for her to chew. Thank you saturn. Possibility the responsibility or commitment is awesome.
The sun illuminates these feelings giving the native the strength and enthusiasm to continue. Still emotions, the moon could flux back and forth. In fact the native might feel insecure about their choice, action or commitment.
There is a need felt to process or look at the situation differently. Pluto causes this and could cause an abrupt ending too. Neptune as the last planet implies a certain confusion about what happened and why. It can also imply a very idealistic interpretation....not necessarily valid.
For this person whatever she takes on, does not flow with ease, and can be hard in ending. To internalize or process what could be gained might be close to impossible with Neptune as the last planet.
I bet some of you could do another interpretation...try it!
Part 7: transforming with your compatible relationship, fulfilling your potential individually and as a couple
As we go over the many factors that are necessary to make a relationship successful, we cannot forget the human element. You can have a perfect compatibility and still not have the tie work. Why?
I suspect this would be an interesting place for you, the reader to post about the relationship that never worked. Some might say timing is an issue, and of course that is possible, if you are heading towards different life goals. Yet more often than not, one person will meander towards the other, in a good planetary compatibility. Goals make an adjustment.
As we touched on the angle of the sun and moon in the same chart , we discussed how this configuration helps determine the intimacy needs of a person. Yet often there is the untold story. We all have an inner dialogue of expectations, Whether consciously or not, we project "them-our idealized expectations" on others, especially our loved ones. Many of us come in with our stuff. "I am not good enough". "People always cheat on me". "No matter what I do, I am the victim".
These are our stories, the tales we tell ourselves about us,. The mind has an odd habit of always being right, So the person who thinks that they are always cheated upon will make sure (mind you often unconsciously) events will go that way in a relationship, whether by choosing a "cheater", or by snooping so much that our sweetie of the moment hooks up with someone, anyone someone sometimes who trusts them. Mostly all people wanted to be trusted. To be given the third degree, thus being told : you are untrustworthy makes that person want to flee. In this scenario, either way the mind is right. The mind wins. The relationship loses, but even more so the person with the inner tape loses even more.
Thus it is really important to understand your legends, your tales, your inner dialogues. Do you know them? I mean really know them? Do you understand what they are doing to your life? That recognition is step one in not making them play out...if that is your choice. Many people prefer to let the mind be right as it is scary ground to break out. Step 2is learning to look at these issues through a new perspestice. Often I refer to that as re framing. This process could also be instrumental.
I am now going to include a dialogue with a client, who gave me permission to share what occurs when one decides to truly love. here it is, Ask any and all questions. We thank you the client too.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Nov. 6, 2006
Client schedules reading, writing this:
My heart is deeply, passionately devoted to the person in my romantic relationship and even if I am successful at not spending my energy carelessly toward him, we are still entwined. (His heart clearly is invested and as I mentioned, he has grown quite a bit toward me -- two steps forward, one step back -- but his mind as of today is not yet able to wrap itself around the idea of being in a relationship that would require him to risk emotionally, to be completely open with himself, and to give toward the relationship growth such that it was a mutual project.
I asked the client to update you, the blog reader as to the history of this bond:We met four years ago and were bound with serious chemistry and energy. We were intimate each weekend for six months, but after that I needed more and he was not sure that he wanted more. We cooled things off and I met other people, we gradually reconnected after 9 months and got closer and then cooled things off again as it was too much for him.
At the writing of the above letter, Nov. 6, 2006 starting the reading process with jacquie, I had been living with him 3-5 days a week for over 7 months and he has yet to feel comfortable enough to come to my house. Then, it was clear from his behavior that I was giving too much -- we were not on the same page.
To jacquie, the same letter of Nov. 2006:
He since has moved in with a friend and I see him occasionally. We've smoothed things over, but I'm intent on not giving anything more than an occasional check-in. If he wants to share my time, then it's time for him to act on his feelings. I'd love to give the way I had--but I don't know how to do that without being a doormat....
Fri., Dec 1st
After my reading, letter to Jacquie. her answer:
I said: If he wants to share my time, then it's time for him to act on his feelings. I'd love to give the way I had--but I don't know how to do that without being a doormat..
1) You are not accepting him for what and who he is.
Hence he feels uncomfortable. You want him to change; you want him to grow the way you want. That isn't love. First you need to 100% accept him as who he is and you as who you are.
2) Once you are past your agenda, you can do whatever you want.
\
I would let him always know how much you care for him, do whatever you want but at the same time express nicely you have some unmet needs. Explain you don't expect him to change but at some point you could jump ship, not that you will or want to but needs are needs.
This bond will flow once you do #1..this might take and needs to take several weeks if not months.
#2 is the lay of the land and reality. Period.
Thus you can be you and he can be him, but he is taking a tremendous risk by being closed, not for you to say but for him to figure out. You also need to look at past relationships...were those people closed? You need to take responsibility for choosing him because for some reason he works for you...what have you chosen in the past? What are the similarities. Instead of acting or talking out, do your personal work here and grow.
What happens is we always begin a new relationship where the other ended issue-wise, though it might not be immediately obvious, so work with these issues and evolve.
Walking on or feeling like a doormat is your issue not his. In my case...I would give him a hug and say: I thank you for being here; I am working out a lot and then DROP it.
One can say too much.
I hope this helps you. Go within you for answers, not outward.
Love,
Jacquie
Dec 1st
That was very, very helpful Jacquie. It makes much better sense now.
I now feel sorry that I have been not accepting him for who he is. It's very clear now that I have had an agenda: opening him up. But right, that's not love. Furthermore, it's not my job, and it's not fair to him and anyway he can only do it himself and on his own course at that. I will try to absorb all that you've explained and turn within to work on these issues. It's also reassuring to hear that relationships such as ours can work themselves out. I know I have a lot of work myself to do.
Fri Dec 1st
Good it meant something to you. I knew you would grasp it.
It is a struggle to learn to love that way but from what I gather that is how successful relationships work.
Don't feel bad. Feel special that you will be able to do this. How few people are capable of looking at themselves with this honesty.
Love,
Jacquie
PS Worry less about Aries...and more about you right now.
Let's get you whole.
Love,
Jacquie
Dec, 14
Letter to Jacquie with her response to mine:
You'd be proud of me today. I was feeling tempted to visit Mr. Aries (I hadn't seen him for a week), but I knew that I really shouldn't go, so I told my friend C to slap me--so to speak--and that helped boost my spine; knowing that I told him, I knew that that would keep me from driving to Mr. Aries’s place...sort of like confession.
Jacquie:
If you really want to go, go.
But do it for you, not for him. Not to make him happy or closer but because it knocks your socks off to see him.
Client (June 2007):
It's amazing how much things take time. Not just relationship dynamics, but even to learn something for or about oneself.
I feel (or rather, I'm quite certain) that I have known about my tendencies in relationships and various issues that I have been working on, and I will recognize them, and learn and grow for a little while, and then it's as if a slow-creeping film seems to grow over my consciousness (or my objectivity) and I find myself in the same (but usually less problematic) situation.
Then I re-learn the problems and issues, and I grow a little bit more, and then I gradually, unknowingly, slip back into the old pattern. It's usually a result of personal, human wants, especially when they are motivated by desire and sex...I clearly have a pattern with emotionally unavailable (or closed-up) men that stems from my relationship to my dad. I also have abandonment issues related to him.
Jacquie's comment:
Be thankful for Mr. Aries as he is helping you work out your issues. You never can stop the feelings from coming up but you will catch them, and put them to bed. You will also have the choice between reaction and response. Mr. Aries would not be in your life or be intriguing without those issues and it is okay.
To be present, one cannot get into one's issue but simply let them flow through us.
Jacquie
Clientlast month, letter to jacquie:
Three more years later, and three years into knowing and growing together with this person, I have a beautiful, loving relationship.
It is not typical -- It is a deeply loving and mutually respecting and enriching relationship. I used to think that I wanted to be partners/companions in the usual sense, but when I realized how much I loved him and how different we were, it became apparent (through your guidance) that none of those expectations mattered.
Our relationship is and will be whatever it is or will be and is as much as we make it through our acceptance of each other. I am so thankful for what we have. I would not trade this for marriage in the books or according to how most people think relationships should look like (because, of course, we already now have what most people want out of a marriage--connection heart to heart, where it counts).
From Jacquie:
My expectation here is that these two will be living together in the not so far future. What my client wanted as a picture will be a reality.
"Mr. Aries" has become natually more open with the love and acceptance of the client. Mr Aries trusts client and 100% accepts and love the client too.
Both people have worked through that strong compatibility they had/have to grow and transform themselves. Thus their relationship works.
I suspect this would be an interesting place for you, the reader to post about the relationship that never worked. Some might say timing is an issue, and of course that is possible, if you are heading towards different life goals. Yet more often than not, one person will meander towards the other, in a good planetary compatibility. Goals make an adjustment.
As we touched on the angle of the sun and moon in the same chart , we discussed how this configuration helps determine the intimacy needs of a person. Yet often there is the untold story. We all have an inner dialogue of expectations, Whether consciously or not, we project "them-our idealized expectations" on others, especially our loved ones. Many of us come in with our stuff. "I am not good enough". "People always cheat on me". "No matter what I do, I am the victim".
These are our stories, the tales we tell ourselves about us,. The mind has an odd habit of always being right, So the person who thinks that they are always cheated upon will make sure (mind you often unconsciously) events will go that way in a relationship, whether by choosing a "cheater", or by snooping so much that our sweetie of the moment hooks up with someone, anyone someone sometimes who trusts them. Mostly all people wanted to be trusted. To be given the third degree, thus being told : you are untrustworthy makes that person want to flee. In this scenario, either way the mind is right. The mind wins. The relationship loses, but even more so the person with the inner tape loses even more.
Thus it is really important to understand your legends, your tales, your inner dialogues. Do you know them? I mean really know them? Do you understand what they are doing to your life? That recognition is step one in not making them play out...if that is your choice. Many people prefer to let the mind be right as it is scary ground to break out. Step 2is learning to look at these issues through a new perspestice. Often I refer to that as re framing. This process could also be instrumental.
I am now going to include a dialogue with a client, who gave me permission to share what occurs when one decides to truly love. here it is, Ask any and all questions. We thank you the client too.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Nov. 6, 2006
Client schedules reading, writing this:
My heart is deeply, passionately devoted to the person in my romantic relationship and even if I am successful at not spending my energy carelessly toward him, we are still entwined. (His heart clearly is invested and as I mentioned, he has grown quite a bit toward me -- two steps forward, one step back -- but his mind as of today is not yet able to wrap itself around the idea of being in a relationship that would require him to risk emotionally, to be completely open with himself, and to give toward the relationship growth such that it was a mutual project.
I asked the client to update you, the blog reader as to the history of this bond:We met four years ago and were bound with serious chemistry and energy. We were intimate each weekend for six months, but after that I needed more and he was not sure that he wanted more. We cooled things off and I met other people, we gradually reconnected after 9 months and got closer and then cooled things off again as it was too much for him.
At the writing of the above letter, Nov. 6, 2006 starting the reading process with jacquie, I had been living with him 3-5 days a week for over 7 months and he has yet to feel comfortable enough to come to my house. Then, it was clear from his behavior that I was giving too much -- we were not on the same page.
To jacquie, the same letter of Nov. 2006:
He since has moved in with a friend and I see him occasionally. We've smoothed things over, but I'm intent on not giving anything more than an occasional check-in. If he wants to share my time, then it's time for him to act on his feelings. I'd love to give the way I had--but I don't know how to do that without being a doormat....
Fri., Dec 1st
After my reading, letter to Jacquie. her answer:
I said: If he wants to share my time, then it's time for him to act on his feelings. I'd love to give the way I had--but I don't know how to do that without being a doormat..
1) You are not accepting him for what and who he is.
Hence he feels uncomfortable. You want him to change; you want him to grow the way you want. That isn't love. First you need to 100% accept him as who he is and you as who you are.
2) Once you are past your agenda, you can do whatever you want.
\
I would let him always know how much you care for him, do whatever you want but at the same time express nicely you have some unmet needs. Explain you don't expect him to change but at some point you could jump ship, not that you will or want to but needs are needs.
This bond will flow once you do #1..this might take and needs to take several weeks if not months.
#2 is the lay of the land and reality. Period.
Thus you can be you and he can be him, but he is taking a tremendous risk by being closed, not for you to say but for him to figure out. You also need to look at past relationships...were those people closed? You need to take responsibility for choosing him because for some reason he works for you...what have you chosen in the past? What are the similarities. Instead of acting or talking out, do your personal work here and grow.
What happens is we always begin a new relationship where the other ended issue-wise, though it might not be immediately obvious, so work with these issues and evolve.
Walking on or feeling like a doormat is your issue not his. In my case...I would give him a hug and say: I thank you for being here; I am working out a lot and then DROP it.
One can say too much.
I hope this helps you. Go within you for answers, not outward.
Love,
Jacquie
Dec 1st
That was very, very helpful Jacquie. It makes much better sense now.
I now feel sorry that I have been not accepting him for who he is. It's very clear now that I have had an agenda: opening him up. But right, that's not love. Furthermore, it's not my job, and it's not fair to him and anyway he can only do it himself and on his own course at that. I will try to absorb all that you've explained and turn within to work on these issues. It's also reassuring to hear that relationships such as ours can work themselves out. I know I have a lot of work myself to do.
Fri Dec 1st
Good it meant something to you. I knew you would grasp it.
It is a struggle to learn to love that way but from what I gather that is how successful relationships work.
Don't feel bad. Feel special that you will be able to do this. How few people are capable of looking at themselves with this honesty.
Love,
Jacquie
PS Worry less about Aries...and more about you right now.
Let's get you whole.
Love,
Jacquie
Dec, 14
Letter to Jacquie with her response to mine:
You'd be proud of me today. I was feeling tempted to visit Mr. Aries (I hadn't seen him for a week), but I knew that I really shouldn't go, so I told my friend C to slap me--so to speak--and that helped boost my spine; knowing that I told him, I knew that that would keep me from driving to Mr. Aries’s place...sort of like confession.
Jacquie:
If you really want to go, go.
But do it for you, not for him. Not to make him happy or closer but because it knocks your socks off to see him.
Client (June 2007):
It's amazing how much things take time. Not just relationship dynamics, but even to learn something for or about oneself.
I feel (or rather, I'm quite certain) that I have known about my tendencies in relationships and various issues that I have been working on, and I will recognize them, and learn and grow for a little while, and then it's as if a slow-creeping film seems to grow over my consciousness (or my objectivity) and I find myself in the same (but usually less problematic) situation.
Then I re-learn the problems and issues, and I grow a little bit more, and then I gradually, unknowingly, slip back into the old pattern. It's usually a result of personal, human wants, especially when they are motivated by desire and sex...I clearly have a pattern with emotionally unavailable (or closed-up) men that stems from my relationship to my dad. I also have abandonment issues related to him.
Jacquie's comment:
Be thankful for Mr. Aries as he is helping you work out your issues. You never can stop the feelings from coming up but you will catch them, and put them to bed. You will also have the choice between reaction and response. Mr. Aries would not be in your life or be intriguing without those issues and it is okay.
To be present, one cannot get into one's issue but simply let them flow through us.
Jacquie
Clientlast month, letter to jacquie:
Three more years later, and three years into knowing and growing together with this person, I have a beautiful, loving relationship.
It is not typical -- It is a deeply loving and mutually respecting and enriching relationship. I used to think that I wanted to be partners/companions in the usual sense, but when I realized how much I loved him and how different we were, it became apparent (through your guidance) that none of those expectations mattered.
Our relationship is and will be whatever it is or will be and is as much as we make it through our acceptance of each other. I am so thankful for what we have. I would not trade this for marriage in the books or according to how most people think relationships should look like (because, of course, we already now have what most people want out of a marriage--connection heart to heart, where it counts).
From Jacquie:
My expectation here is that these two will be living together in the not so far future. What my client wanted as a picture will be a reality.
"Mr. Aries" has become natually more open with the love and acceptance of the client. Mr Aries trusts client and 100% accepts and love the client too.
Both people have worked through that strong compatibility they had/have to grow and transform themselves. Thus their relationship works.
The purpose of a relationship: the composite chart (part 6: relationship series)
I like to use the composite chart to determine the answer to that question. That type of chart is based on the midpoints of both people's planets and ascendant. The purpose is determined by the whole complexion of the new chart but also where the composite sun falls in the chart and its aspects.
Sometimes, more times than not, even with the most difficult relationships, the people involved breath a deep sigh of relief with that knowledge. It seems to free up the person or couple. Sometimes a lot of the tension within a relationship is about where are we going? what is the purpose of this bond? is this short term? or long term? (which translates to: I am scared to be vulnerable)
Last year, I had a very upset client about a break up in her relationship. I knew that was short term as they broke up during the Mercury RX.( They did not meet on a Mercury RX, thus a break up is close to imposiible on a Mercury Rx) i gave her the frameword for his return-date but also the purpose of the relationship...which was clearly marriage. She stopped and looked at me. How can you say that?
I have an invitation to their wedding on my desk. She wrote me a little note. Thank you, with the information you gave me, I was able to relax and relate...Look where I am!
Also composite charts are excellent for diagnosising a problem in a relationship or rather confirming what is happening, and how long the problem will be an issue. This study has to be done on top of a full compatibility to make sense but works for the return client that already has had that work done.
Last and not least, the composite is excellent for group endevaors, revealing their destiny too.
Sometimes, more times than not, even with the most difficult relationships, the people involved breath a deep sigh of relief with that knowledge. It seems to free up the person or couple. Sometimes a lot of the tension within a relationship is about where are we going? what is the purpose of this bond? is this short term? or long term? (which translates to: I am scared to be vulnerable)
Last year, I had a very upset client about a break up in her relationship. I knew that was short term as they broke up during the Mercury RX.( They did not meet on a Mercury RX, thus a break up is close to imposiible on a Mercury Rx) i gave her the frameword for his return-date but also the purpose of the relationship...which was clearly marriage. She stopped and looked at me. How can you say that?
I have an invitation to their wedding on my desk. She wrote me a little note. Thank you, with the information you gave me, I was able to relax and relate...Look where I am!
Also composite charts are excellent for diagnosising a problem in a relationship or rather confirming what is happening, and how long the problem will be an issue. This study has to be done on top of a full compatibility to make sense but works for the return client that already has had that work done.
Last and not least, the composite is excellent for group endevaors, revealing their destiny too.
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